


So darkness, I became.

by oathkeptroxas



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Implied/Off-Screen Soriku, Insecurity, Redemption, Riku (Kingdom Hearts)-centric, SorikuWeek2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 21:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12308151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oathkeptroxas/pseuds/oathkeptroxas
Summary: SorikuWeek2017; Day 1; Reunion.What's that? Angsty, plot-less character study that only vaguely relates to the prompt? Did you mean: My whole aesthetic?"No one loves him like I do, no one else even knows what they’re missing."





	So darkness, I became.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written any Kingdom Hearts fic before attempting this ship week, despite having been a fan of the series for as long as I can remember. So, please go easy on me!

_And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat._

_I tried to find the sound._

_But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness._

_So darkness, I became._

**'Cosmic Love' - Florence + The Machine.**

* * *

 

_Take care of her,_

Riku remembered speaking the words so vividly, as if no time had passed at all. He remembered how soft it sounded, surprising himself with the gentle tone. There was so much more he’d wanted to say, so much he couldn’t hope to articulate.

 _Take care of her,_ he’d said, but it had meant so much more. Take care of yourself. Go home. I’m sorry for everything, I’m sorry you have to clean up after me. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.

I’ll be strong enough next time. I promise.

I know you will.

He remembered closing the door, watching his entire world get shut out. He didn’t know how or if he’d make it back, but that didn’t matter. He needed to end it, this was his penance. He needed to make sure this was done. He would earn the right to once again walk in the light.

 _“Take care of her,”_ he’d said. _Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine._

Riku would make it home. He would right his wrongs and return to the boy he loved. He would make sure he was worthy to stand at Sora’s side. The reunion could wait until the very moment that he earned it, not a second sooner.

He wanted to look in Sora’s eyes and know that there was nothing stuck between them. No more resentment and hurt, no more secrets, no more darkness.

Every time he saw Sora’s sleeping form in that pod, it cut him deeper. Sora was so full of life, boundless in energy and an undying light in the lives of those who knew him. Seeing him so still, so quiet, so _not Sora_ was painful. Knowing that everyone who was supposed to love Sora had been forced to forget him, put things in a different kind of perspective. _He needs me,_ Riku thought to himself, staring longing at Sora’s sleeping face, _No one loves him like I do, no one else even knows what they’re missing._ Riku vowed to help in anyway possible, to gather the pieces up, to put Sora back together. Good as new.

 _Roxas_ , DiZ had said. They needed to find Roxas, to stop him. Before it was too late, they needed to capture Roxas, he was going to do something reckless. He was going to get himself killed.

Riku had been reluctant. But, DiZ had said it was for Sora. They needed Roxas. Riku would do anything for Sora. He tracked down and confronted the boy, prepared to fight with all he was worth if he had to. He didn’t know the true ins and outs of the situation, but he didn’t need to. He was already all in.

But, the boy, _Roxas_ wasn’t anything like Riku had expected. He was seething. Bitter resentment rolled off of him in waves, his fists were clenched tight around the keyblades he could wield in each hand. Riku would’ve taken a moment to marvel at that, had it not been for the look in the boy’s eyes. Roxas was _sad_ , the desperate, grief-stricken, longing kind of _heartbreak_.

Nobodies didn’t have hearts, DiZ had said, they only pretended. But there was no mistaking the torrent of emotion that Roxas was displaying. And Riku couldn’t fathom any part of Sora ever looking quite so murderous. Riku faltered, couldn’t reconcile the boy before him with the boy he loved. They were like two separate entities not just in physical form, but in essence, in spirit, in demeanor. Maybe DiZ had been wrong.

 _I thought I would feel something,_ he thought to himself, _I thought I would feel Sora, that I would know any part of him like I know myself_

There was a stinging clench in Riku’s chest as he and Roxas continued to face-off.

“What is going _on_?” The boy cried, and Riku would’ve liked the answer to that one himself.

The confusion, the truly mystified frustration in Roxas’ voice was unmistakable. Riku felt a pang of guilt at that. He couldn’t give Roxas the information he wanted, he didn’t even have all the answers. He just knew that Roxas was volatile, and powerful, and if anything happened to him then Sora would be lost forever. He needed to be reigned in. Any sympathy Riku may have felt towards the boy evaporated immediately with the reminder that Sora’s heart lay in the balance.

Riku had known it wouldn’t be easy, he’d found out early on that Roxas was a force to be reckoned with, that he wasn’t going down without a fight. Riku couldn’t afford to lose this battle, there was too much at stake.

“C’mon, Sora, I thought you were stronger than that,” Riku drawled, riling up his opponent may not have been the smartest move, but he needed to _know_ , needed to see for himself that what DiZ had told him was true.

Roxas had looked mystified for a second, and seemingly without his consent “Get real! Look which one of us is winning!” fell from his lips.

Riku couldn’t help the smile that formed, the warmth that flooded his insides. Sora was here. Sora had reacted to him, remembered him, come forth with very little coaxing. Riku couldn’t help the gloating, so relieved to know that this wasn’t in vain, and as soon as this was over Riku would be one step closer to getting Sora back.

“I am _me_ , **nobody** else!” Roxas seethed, before launching into another attack, but Riku was becoming accustomed to his opponent's moves.

 _Everything would be so much easier, so much less painful, if that were true_ , Riku couldn’t help but think in response. This wasn’t Roxas’ fault. Everyone involved here deserved better. But Riku couldn’t afford to dwell on that, couldn’t let himself think of Roxas as anything more than a hinderance. If he allowed himself to feel for the boy, to view him as a person, it would be far more difficult to complete his task. Roxas was a puzzle piece, nothing more.

No matter how long he’d spent fighting it, denying it, running from it, Riku knew now that the darkness would always be a part of him. He needed it, it was a necessary evil. It was for Sora. He had vowed when that door had closed that he would do better, that he would never let Sora down again. He would be the darkness if he had to. He would do anything, _be_ anything that Sora needed. It was a price he was willing to pay.

A shameful new form took shape, a disguise Riku had no choice but to bare, a reflection of his greatest weakness. He would do, he would be what he had to. As he lifted Roxas from the ground and crushed the strength from him, he steeled himself against the feelings that stirred within him, and the voice inside his head - suspiciously like Sora’s - that whispered this wasn’t right, wasn’t fair. Roxas was Riku’s victim. Roxas had been a speedbump on Riku’s way to getting the most important person in his life back.

 _Half of Sora,_ Namine had said. That’s what Roxas was, an empty husk left behind when Sora’s heart had been freed. Riku stared down at the boy’s unconscious body, his face lax and peaceful, and he almost wished the boy looked more like Sora - would’ve loved the words he’d spoken to be in Sora’s voice, coming from Sora’s mouth - couldn’t understand why he didn’t.

The brief interaction he’d had with Sora - though indirect and via Roxas - was enough to remind Riku to fight. It wasn’t the reunion he’d been hoping for. He’d pondered and day-dreamed so many times of finishing the job, of slaying their enemies and going home to the island. He imagined the setting sun shining red on Sora’s hair, the fading light sparkling in his eyes. He imagined being cleansed of all the bad he’d done. He’d dreamt of redemption, of Sora’s forgiveness. He’d imagined so many times the perfect moment, knowing that he would see Sora again when he was ready, when he was purged, when the worlds were at peace.

_I’ll see him again when I deserve it._

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading!


End file.
